Dwelling….On What?

By Dr. William K. Larkin on January 26, 2010

"Dwelling" is a word that expresses "being with" or spending time immersed in a thing. I can remember a time in my life when I spent a lot of time dwelling on negative things. I just thought that everyone did and that it was natural. If a negative thought or a negative idea came up, I just spent time dwelling on it. I would think about it, I would "think it through." I would muse for a long time thinking about this or that negative thing and I was driven by the question, "why?" I saw myself as a considerate, careful, penetrating thinker, and I was driven by successful "problem solving" and by the goal of always finding a resolution. It was as if I took on not only my issues and problems but also those of everyone else, and I had to find the mental energy devoted to all of it. I would dwell so long on some of these seemingly significant issues that my feelings would quickly follow...into a DownSpiral.

Today I don't ask "why" very often. Especially when it is something negative; I rather ask, "what is the good that can come of this?" I don't often get the answer right away, but I always get the answer just because I've asked. I am no longer resolution-driven because most things don't have a resolution right at this moment. They usually get resolved but not very often by my direction intervention. Things just happen along the way. I am also not problem-driven, but I am interested in finding out how my strengths, applied in an UpSpiral of positivity, give me resilience and bounce-back.

Where your mind dwells is a choice. I choose to dwell on what is positive and good. I choose to dwell on what I really want. Sometime ago, I made a choice to "dwell" on smiling and asking every cashier and service person how they were doing and how their day was going. I started to chat when I was standing in line and I always told the clerks waiting on me to have a great day. When I was dwelling on resolution and problem-solving, I never had time for the clerks or the cashiers. I was too busy dwelling on the larger problems of the world.

The clerks who wait on me are happier, I'm sure. I know that I am. And when I forget to do this, I just go back and start practicing "positive dwelling."

Your mind will dwell on the negative as long as you choose to let it, or it will dwell on the positive if you take little, active steps to go there.

The decisive factor is this: make your day at least 3 times as positive as it is negative and you will flourish.